I have been wondering for a long time now, why is it that I am so reticent, why is it that I don’t blog about my thoughts about so many things (and trust me i have plenty!). I thought about this for a long long time and while I was doing this, I observed an uncanny resemblance with several others… They also began their blogs but seized to continue it. I am not sure what their reasons could be… I am sure they range from:

a) Too busy

b) Not motivated enough to write

c) I share my life with my friends anyway, why do I need to blog about it?

I suppose for me it was something quite different from all these. I, as a person, have been changing quite a bit. It’s not to say that what I once saw as black, I now see as white but yes i do tend to see a lot more grey and the myriad shades of it everywhere! (No I am not colour blind!) I suppose I was looking to create some sort of blog which projected the right side of me! I mean what if tomorrow some cousin of mine or some other relative happens to come upon this blog? They would see that I have not been consistent with what I think or that I have been to wavering with my interests.

I wondered where this fear came from. Why was I afraid of being seen for who I was, in totality with all my flaws? I tried to go over all my life and I realized something very interesting… No news is better than bad news! – that is incidentally how most things have been categorized throughout my life. I have never really been the one to share news as such with friends or family unless they were close by when it happened. I am not the sort of person who would call up and talk about what I did. I suppose it all comes from there! That if I do document my life, it will be documented for posterity.

Incidentally this same line of thought I have seen in a larger context. Whenever some one does things… they are criticized, torn apart and so forth by people at large, even if they did try to do it with all goodness. Humans have the amazing ability to assign their own generated reasons for someone else’s actions. This is the primary reason, I think, we do not have too many public figures in this nation of a billion. None from the middle class at least! It is better to be unknown is the feeling there is, rather than have brickbats thrown on you every so often! Which is why there is a huge apathy amongst youngsters for any social causes, political movements etc. Perhaps it stems from generations of being burnt for such things, but it has definitely dwindled!

Once this realization dawned, I understood that I had nothing to be afraid of but myself! After all, I am writing this more to express myself and I believe the world deserves to/needs to/should hear what I have to say. After all, I am depriving myself and several other potentials of the opportunity of sharing my thoughts. Who knows what positive impacts it may have?!

Hence I have decided: I shall break these shackles of reticence! I shall start communicating on a regular basis. Write about what I read, what I feel, what interests me. If need be, I will need to create separate blogs for all the ideas that keep coming into my head if they don’t quite fit into this one, but let us see.